Joan Rivers Dead at 81: Funniest Quotes From Comedian

Just a week after comedienne Joan Rivers went to a New York clinic to have her vocal cords operated on, the headlines announced her passing at age 81.

"She passed peacefully at 1:17 p.m. surrounded by family and close friends," daughter Melissa Rivers said in a statement released Thursday, according to CNN.

With her death, the world has, once again, lost a talented, funny bone-tickling personality. One can imagine her and Robin Williams trading witticisms right now on the other side as we speak.

In honor of an "unapologetically sassy" funny woman who was not against making herself the butt of her own jokes, here is a choice collection of her funniest quotes.

• "I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

• "I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for 'Best Special Effects.'"

• "A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon."

• "I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life. Peeping Toms look at my window and pull down the shade. My gynecologist examines me by telephone."

• "When I saw her sex tape, all I could think of were Paris Hilton's poor parents. The shame, the shame of the Hilton family. To have your daughter do a porno film... in a Marriott hotel."

• "All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."

• "I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."

• "Gay marriage - I am so against it because all my gay friends are out. And if they get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts."

• "My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks."

• "[Jennifer Lawrence] called me and said she was so embarrassed about falling. I said, 'Relax, my darling. It's not the first time a girl got on all fours on her way to getting an Oscar, and it was alright."

• "I was so ugly that they sent my picture to 'Ripley's Believe It or Not' and he sent it back and said, 'I don't believe it.'"

• "All I ever heard when I was a kid was, 'Why can't you be more like your cousin Sheila?' And Sheila had died at birth."

• "At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents."

Which one made you laugh? Do you have more Joan Rivers jokes to add to this list?