Romeo and Juliet. Ike and Tina. Tony Parker and the Housewife that was out of his league. You get the picture. Well, you could almost add Kobe Bryant to that list of romances gone wrong. Fortunately, the couple officially reconciled this year. It would've been mentally taxing and economically disastrous for all parties concerned if history is any indication. Here are the top reasons why the phrase "cheaper to keep her" still fits.
Michael Jordan & Juanita - It takes a lot to break up a 17 year marriage, but infidelity can usually do the trick. Not only were there allegations of MJ cheating on his wife, but a former jump-off by the name of Karla Knafel sued his Airness for $5 million claiming he owed her hush money for their 1990 affair and that he fathered a child by her. Knafel didn't get her money, but the damage was done. Juanita filed for divorce. Despite a reconciliation that lasted four years, they went their own separate ways at which point Juanita got $168 million in the divorce settlement. This loss prepared him for hundreds more as the owner of the Charlotte Bobcats.
Tiger Woods & Elin Nordegren - Whether Elin was a former maid or model, Tiger was determined to turn this 6-year storybook romance into one of those cheesy porn parodies that looks tacky, has bad dialogue, but is good for a laugh when you really hate your life. This divorce actually had porn stars and waitresses in it and some nonsense about sex addiction and getting attacked with a golf club. Despite having a pre-nup, Tiger ended up paying Elin $100 million to get off his golf course. He will also have to explain to his kids one day how Daddy did phone commercials, but got busted on the one cell phone he had.
Frank & Jamie McCourt - Frank never picked up a bat or stole a base, but he became one of the most hated men in L.A. sports history. Welcome to the world of Frank McCourt. Married to Jamie for 3 decades before things went off the rails. Their high-spending ways like buying houses on a whim took away from helping the Dodgers compete on the field and stopped them from paying for silly things like stadium security. The last one nearly got someone killed. Frank fought Bud Selig and Jamie...and won. He bought her out for $130 million, just in time to sell the team for $2 billion.
Hulk & Linda Hogan - This divorce was the equivalent to taking a body slam from the top of a steel cage. Charges of infidelity went both ways, but the Hulkster was open to a reconciliation. It wasn't meant to be especially with all the cash and prizes Linda received in the settlement. The former Mrs. Hogan received "40% ownership in Hulk's companies, a $3 million "property settlement", and a whopping 70% of the couple's liquid asset". Oh and she got a Mercedes-Benz, an Escalade, a Corvette, a Rolls-Royce and other vehicles. Hulk would've been better off hiring Harvey Birdman or some guy who graduated taking online law courses, Brother!
Lance Armstrong & Kristin Richard - Between the bracelets and dating celebrities like Sheryl Crow, it's easy forget that Lance Armstrong was married. The two were married for 5 years and have three children. She was with him through the cancer years. The divorce forever left him tagged with the label of "that guy who divorced his wife after he got well." The split cost him $14 million, money I'm sure he wishes he had now that the Postal Service is out to get him. By Lance's own admission, he was a d-bag to a lot of people, to which he's tried to make amends.
Kris Humphries & Kim Kardashian - Nothing hastens the death of a relationship like leaving the toilet seat up or starring on a reality TV show. If you don't believe me, ask Hulk Hogan, Chad Johnson, etc. This marriage had a shorter life than carnival goldfish. Kim filed for divorce after a colossal 72 days of wedded bliss. In the meantime, Kim has appeared on magazines, filmed a movie, advertised products and gotten pregnant by another man. Kris Humphries has just earned a reputation for not knowing when to quit. He's also been benched by the Brooklyn Nets. When your divorce lawyer quits on you, it's time to re-evaluate things. Divorce proceedings are to start in May.
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