3 Tips to Improve Your Social Skills and Be More Outgoing

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We all have our awkward moments. We say something wrong or do something embarrassing. Then we panic, try to fix it and end up making it worse. We'll meet new people and have no idea what to talk about. Or we'll go to a party and sit in a corner, speaking only to people we already know.

We look forward to the weekend from early morning Monday, but when Friday evening comes along, we just sit on our sofas binge-watching sitcoms about other people hanging out with their friends. There has to be more to life, right? You keep telling yourself that, and you know you just have to put yourself out there, meet people, make new friends, live a little. But then you remember just how painfully awkward it is. So how do you get past this? Let's find out.

Get Out of Your Head

We are a social species, so getting nervous around other people is just another wonderful aspect of being a human being. Think of it this way: we get nervous because of how much we care. We care what other people think about us, and we long to form strong bonds, to feel that we belong.

You're hanging out with a group of people you'd like to impress, and one of them asks you what seems to be a loaded question. Suddenly all eyes are on you. They're all waiting to hear what you're going to say. Does your heart start pounding and your palms get sweaty? It's because you care.

Now, our advice isn't to stop caring. You just have to get out of your head. Chances are you're not nearly as socially inept as you think you are, but because you keep ruminating about every little thing you might have said or done wrong, you're undermining your confidence and turning it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.  

Although it might seem like everyone else has it all together, the nervousness and dread you feel in social situations are not at all uncommon. Around 80% of people say that they're uncomfortable being in the center of attention. Between 40% and 60% of people describe themselves as shy, and 12% have had to deal with social anxiety at some point in their lives. Furthermore, 27% of millennials report not having any close friends.

Overthinking social situations sends our bodies into high alert. You feel your heart beating faster, your blood pressure rises, and your mind goes blank. You're in fight-or-flight mode, but you're not surrounded by enemies. You're surrounded by people who feel just as insecure as you. So relax.

We know that's easier said than done. You can try some breathing techniques, buy hemp flower and other natural remedies, mindfulness meditation, or a few sessions with a psychotherapist. But the most important thing you should do next time you're having a conversation is try to catch yourself when you start overthinking what you're going to say next. Focus on what the other person is saying. Set a goal to make them feel interesting rather than to make yourself seem interesting. First of all, it's much easier. Second of all, people enjoy it more so you'll make a far better impression with less effort. It's a win-win.

Embrace the Awkwardness

Ok, so you've meditated to the point that you can calm yourself in the space of three consecutive mindful breaths, but guess what? You'll still have some awkward moments. Maybe you were going for a fist bump while the other person wanted a handshake, maybe you wanted to make a joke, and it fell flat. Yes, it's awkward, but that's ok. Don't think about it every day for a week. It happens.

You could be the most confident, extraverted, outgoing person on the planet - the life of every party. You would still have some awkward moments. The only way you can avoid awkwardness is if you stop socializing entirely, and although it sometimes feels tempting, if you're reading an article about how to be more outgoing, we've established that it's not what you want.

Next time you say or do something awkward instead of thinking that you've somehow failed, look at it as progress. You're experiencing this awkward moment because you put yourself out there. You've successfully motivated yourself to push the limits of your comfort zone. Social skills are skills, so you'll improve with time, but you need practice. With enough practice, you'll inevitably make some blunders, but you'll learn from them and get better.

Look for Structured Social Activities

If you're an introvert or tend to get nervous around people, it might be difficult for you to strike up conversations with random people at the grocery store, in coffee shops, or in bars. But that's not the only way to meet new people and make friends. In fact, a much better option is to look for social activities with some structure, so you have something else to do instead of just talking, and you also have something to talk about.

The possibilities are endless. You can join sports clubs, church groups, and meetup groups. You can even join social skills support groups, so you get to meet people who understand your difficulties, and you can work on your skills.

An alternative is to join classes. Maybe you're not that good at cooking, but you want to learn because you're trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle. You can join a cooking class. You get to meet new people and learn a valuable skill that you were interested in anyway.

Or perhaps there are some classes you can take that can help you in your career. Great, you'll probably find classes for that as well, and you'll also have a chance to network, which is always helpful. You'll learn a new skill, meet new people, and find out what it's like to work for other companies in your industry in case you decide to change jobs.

The point is that you get to socialize with people with similar interests and meet them every week, so you have something to talk about, and you're don't feel pressured to impress them in just a few minutes.